Rolling a Natural One: 2017

Often, as one year closes and another one starts, we become reflective and look back at the year that was. After 6 years of gaming pretty much weekly, I've had to take some time off due to various events and my own mental state. 2017 is the year depression and anxiety has kicked my arse.

It did'nt start well, personal life hit a shitter straight after Xmas, and a few months later my photography studio, also the then home of our gaming club, was hit with a break in. I lost my Space Marine army, Genestealer Cult, Daemons... Several of the club members lost armies too and this hurt me more than my own items being pinched. Knowing how many hours I'd put into painting, but more so how much time others had put into their collections broke me plain and simple. three or four weeks later I received a phonecall from a local second hand shop, and luckily most of the things that were taken were returned. But at this point, I still felt done.

I considered selling it all, as I'd already given up and seeing it ever again and just wanted away with it. The thought of continuing to paint what had now been tainted just affected me more than I could have imagined. Suddenly the hobby that had been my escape from depression became the source of it. Thats a world turner right there I can tell you. The thing with depression is the lack of feeling anything. When I would game I'd become passionate, inspired, creative... without that I had little to do, no motivation to do anything and literally just wanted the world to swallow me. I'd wake up, and immediately want to go back to sleep, or not wake up at all. Any little thing that goes wrong feels like you've been defeated for days, lose a fiver, drop some food, thats it. Day gone.

Things people would say to me would be analyzed beyond need, negative thoughts resulting from the smallest of comments even if they'd be reaching out to try and help. I would things in forums or threads and even if it wasn't aimed at me, I'd look into it far too much and believe things were. When people and gaming are driving you into deeper depths of depression you shy away from all things related to them, not going to see friends, not conversing with them online, I didn't paint for several months and I probably forgot how to roll a dice.

Getting back into the hobby has taken a lot of time. I'm still not 100% back to where I was before this all happened, but I'm getting there. I still take things to heart, I still don't always feel motivated to pick up a brush and theres certainly days where waking up is the last thing I want to do. But the thing to remember? This is all okay. I've suffered depression at various levels throughout most of my life, and I've been through this before but never had it affect me with something I love doing.

The first models I painted since the burglary were these and a new human Blood Bowl team I picked up at UKGE 2017. They're still not finished to this day, but Blood Bowl is what got me into the hobby, and its whats kept me going. In recent weeks my enthusiasm has come back, as you've seen from previous posts on this very blog. Necromunda has helped fuel my passion, 40k is also making its way back into my hobby as I'm currently painting some scenery, namely the Armoured Containers (which I'm enjoying painting). 

No matter who you are and what you do, if you suffer from depression, try to learn how to cope with it. I've never found a true way of dealing with it, as its always there in the back of my mind and any little thing can trigger its implosion and rear its ugly head. If you need someone to talk to there are onlive services that can help, even feel free to give me a shout. I feel experienced enough to offer advice or even just listen/read what you have to say and tell you, 'you're not alone'.

Its funny to me that we often look at numbers to tell us where we are and think 'when it goes up one, things will get better'. But as 2018 I truly believe that. 2017 has been an absolute shitter, and while I know there will be more moments to come where solitude seems like the best thing, it will not be another 2017. This coming year will be different and Death By Die will be a much more active place going forward.

May your 2018 not be my 2017, be safe everyone!

Armoured Boxing Day

Ahoy there tabletoppers! Hope everyones Xmas was good, mine was alright but glad its over to get things back to normal. Feeling productive this morning after last night I watched the new Netflix original, Bright. Not a bad film and am hoping they can go somewhere with it as theres a lot of scope with the story! While watching the film, I put these together!

The armoured containers for 40k were good fun to stick together, nice and simple too! 

And todays progress has been to base them  along with some of the Necromunda terrain. I've gone for a mix of colours, all to be weathered and rusted up hopefully! I've got the Thermal Plasma Reactors to put together and get based too along with so many other things!

Have to give a shout out to my sister who as part of my present got me a new set of D&D dice, first roll was a 19! Now the eternal struggle to find somewhere to use them!

So thats the Boxing Day update, hoping tomorrow will mean these are starting to look a bit more weathered and make a start on some of the details. I'm really fancying some 40k again soon so may try get some painting done on the Genestealer Cult or Daemons too then throw some challenges down. 

So looking towards future posts, I've been tempted to scour the internet each week and perhaps put together a little highlight post about the best things I've seen to do with tabletop each week, would this be interest to you readers?  Let me know and I'll see what I can do!

Santa Khorne

Happy Xmas everyone! I know you're more likely to be enjoying a quiet/frantic evening/night of relaxing/wrapping/prepping before a busy Christmas Day but I don't think I've shown much of the skull love here. I picked up a Khorne Daemon army up from a fellow club member after he was downsizing (I mean downsizing in a loose term) and while most was painted already (and I'll probably go over a bit) there was some fresh there to go on with. Including a Khorne Herald from the Skull Cannon kit. I fancied an alternative one on foot so stuck him on a suitable base and painted him up quite a while ago!

I was working on Mazarall the Butcher too, but having been broken into, losing all my miniatures and then regaining them the motivation to game and paint had become almost non existent. More in that in a different post though! With my motivation coming back I'm gonna slap some paint on these brutal looking Bloodcrushers soon!

Rumours abound that after Xmas we'll be seeing a Codex Daemons book coming for 40k so I shall finish rebasing the army (Most of it was on the old fantasy square bases) and then getting more painted to go with the book. Surprisingly theres not an awful lot of Chaos forces at the Gwent Reavers although our resident Blood Angels player, aptly surnamed Angel, has painted up some very disgusting Nurgle Death Guard (which I'll have to grab some pics of some time along with other peoples armies to show off on here) so some Daemon support for him would be well appreciated I'm sure. Never used Daemons in 40k before but it will be interesting to see how they play in the new edition. I can get Mazarall finished and use him as a counts as Skarbrand plus I have a Blood Thirster who needs re-attaching to his base (Not looking forward to that) and some other units to get upto standard. 

2018 is looking to be a busy year hobby wise and I can't wait to get stuck into all the projects I've been putting off. Blood Bowl, Necromunda, Warhmmer 40000 and perhaps another attempt into the realms of Age of Sigmar. Then the heaving under all the board games and rpg's that will be out I'll want to get stuck into too! 

Expect a couple more posts before the new year, hopefully I'll have some progress to show on the Escher, finish the Goliaths off and get some terrain done too for 40k and Necromunda. Beast mode will be initiated! First though, the pickings of roasted Tzeentch, seductive Slaanesh stuffing but certainly avoiding those Nurgle sprouts! 

Merry Xmas for tomorrow all!

Xmas Wishlist

Good grief, Xmas is just 2 days away! I was pondering about what I fancy getting myself for Xmas as the old biddy asked so picked up a couple of the small scenery kits for 40k, the containers and the plasma engine thingys. But it made me wonder, what would I REALLY like for Xmas, if money wasn't a problem and it was hobby related? 

Lets start small. An entire Chapter of Space Marines please. Cause who doens't want the 100+ Space Marines, various HQ models and vehicles? I'd also like them painted ready for use in colours of my choosing please. 

Ah a Leman Russ. But, I don't want a Leman Russ. I want a company of these bad boys! 9, to group in threes, along with a Tank Commander. I'll paint these myself though, but perhaps include a few Basilisks to go with? Failing this Epic scale Leman Russ tanks to paint up so I can have a couple companies of them and play those massive tank battles I always dreamed of as a kid.

Next up, I'd like a Forge World voucher because there will be a lot of Necromunda and Blood Bowl models released I want in my hobby needing clutches.

Also, Games Workshop store birthdays to bring back the buy two get one free deals they used to have that I remember so fondly. They were good days!

A personal Land Speeder for general use getting around. I know it'd be cold and the wind insane, but imagine speeding over the roads not caring about roads? Thats living the dream! Also if theres some twats about blasting them with a multimelta shot surely isn't a bad thing.

Storage space. Lots more storage space and cases to put everything in! I've got limited room as it is and running out of space its getting difficult, so perhaps a complex to store everything and play games in would be nice?

A good white paint. I know they exist, but I always seem to get a bad pot. It dries too quickly inside the pot, goes lumpy, and I weep like a Blood Angel going through the red rage. 

No Xmas would be Xmas without some cheese. And quite often cheese visits us in our tabletop games too. So for Xmas, NO CHEESE! I'm done with competitive gaming, when people take lists to obliterate others with its just no fun. I understand the tourney scene but what happened to having fun? Over the past couple of years my gaming time has gone down as a result of this. Its not even spam lists, but rules that seem a little ott and when people take advantage of that then grumble if said rules get nerfed somewhat. 

A job at Wizards of the Coast working on campaign ideas for Dungeons and Dragons. Self explanatory really, but I have so many ideas swirling around in my head for campaigns in D&D that they're falling out before I can write them down. A party accompanying awell known Bard touring Faerun, visiting all the big cities as he performs for the rich and powerful. A Shadow of the Collosus style compaign where a party of monster hunters are tasked with destroying a number of monsters that themselves are absolutely massive. There are so many, and one day I shall write them down and detail!

I think for now thats it. That'll do for now but whats on your Xmas list, fantasy or realistic? Let me know down below!

The Kick Start.

Nope, nothing to do with crowdfunding, this is a kickstart of my own motivation to hobby. And talk about hobbying. Its been a while since this very blog has had some consistency, but this is all about to change. After a shockingly shit year, things are slowly starting to fall into place and motivation to paint models and play games is slowly coming back. Don't believe me? Well stick this in your eyes!

 I have a whole gang of Goliath gangers almost painted up, all upto this standard. Didn't expect that did you? Whats more I have 10 Eschers on the way, plus another box worth of Necromunda to build and paint up. Why so many gangs Kev? IMPERIAL GUARD GANGS. Yeah.

See, I wasn't sure if the Guard... sorry, Astra Militarum Codex, was what fit with my idea. Then I remembered thinking the Genestealer Cult codex was perfect for a gang based army, so I shall possibly try using that codex instead of the Guard one. We shall see! Also...

The Ostermark Oracles.

If you have been a reader of this blog for many moons you may remember my old human team, the Mordheim Raiders. Well I decided to go for a bit of a change and the Ostermark colour scheme looked unusual and bright so I plumped for them. I'll post better pictures of all these plus a few other projects I've been working on in the future, this is just a wee taster!

So what exactly can you expect from Death By Die? Well, I'm trying to coax some members of my local club to contribute from time to time. Whether its through their own words or I may interview them about different aspects of the hobby, or probably both down the line. Speaking of Interviews, I will be having one soon with Blood Bowl and Necromunda rules writer James M Hewitt which I'm axcited about. I interviewed Andy Chambers a few years ago and it was an absolute joy, so interviews are something I'd like to try fit in here and there if possible. 

Dance with the DM will be chats with DM's I know personally (or have yet to meet) about the running of a D&D campaign. Advice, guides, tips, and just general fun stories from the world of Dungeons and Dragons. Expect some other roleplaying bits too, along with hopefully some narrative reports from games we play like 40k, Necromunda, AoS and even Malifaux. Who knows what else though, I'm still having ideas sporadically slap me in the face before running away before I can put pen to paper. 

Otherwise thats it for now. Expect a couple of posts a week, whether its topical, works in progress, interviews or just thoughts about tabletop gaming. If you have anything you'd like to see from the blog then comment below!

Its good to be back!